I am always proud of two cuts only. The deepest. And the last.
These conflict, dont you think? The deepest, the best/the most/the biggest/the most rewarding. Then the last the final/stopping now cut. The brave one.
I feel so in pain. But not from cutting. Oh how weird? No, it isn’t. With fibro I have just made it all so much worse. Where I cut is so hard to reach now - I only took the blade to me minimally but after the short amount of time I had to stop.
I wanted to continue, I needed the tears to stop. But my body couldnt go on. My whole arm was in tremors, my back from the twisted position WAS SCREAMING and every other muscle pleaded with me. I had to give in to it and wiped away the blood, showered - now I am rolling around in bed in a massive flare up
IT WASN’T WORTH IT. IT HARDLY IS, BUT TONIGHT A TINY SECOND OF PLEASURE HAS LEFT ME IN TREMENDOUS PAIN. I dont know why i do this.
I was just so numb and needed to feel something besides my body’s agony. Now I just caused my body to increase agony and cannot move :(
My partner will feel sad, then mad, then guilt stricken, slightly ashamed, hate himself like he could have prevented it, then understand I am not a monster when I call myself one tomorrow :/ I hate the after effects
I have never had such a bad flare after cutting as this - of fibro pain. The shallow cuts dont hurt at all…….just every aching muscle, throbbing joint and bone
Fuck my life
Im sorry. Im sorry to.myself. why did I do this!????
I cut sometimes to prevent suicidal ideation! Now I want to die more as this hurts so much.more :(
Going to sleep. Block these thoughts out. Live in regret what I did….please dont make me realise what I did