L I M B O

I am always proud of two cuts only. The deepest. And the last.

These conflict, dont you think? The deepest, the best/the most/the biggest/the most rewarding. Then the last the final/stopping now cut. The brave one.

I feel so in pain. But not from cutting. Oh how weird? No, it isn’t. With fibro I have just made it all so much worse. Where I cut is so hard to reach now - I only took the blade to me minimally but after the short amount of time I had to stop.

I wanted to continue, I needed the tears to stop. But my body couldnt go on. My whole arm was in tremors, my back from the twisted position WAS SCREAMING and every other muscle pleaded with me. I had to give in to it and wiped away the blood, showered - now I am rolling around in bed in a massive flare up

IT WASN’T WORTH IT. IT HARDLY IS, BUT TONIGHT A TINY SECOND OF PLEASURE HAS LEFT ME IN TREMENDOUS PAIN. I dont know why i do this.

I was just so numb and needed to feel something besides my body’s agony. Now I just caused my body to increase agony and cannot move :(

My partner will feel sad, then mad, then guilt stricken, slightly ashamed, hate himself like he could have prevented it, then understand I am not a monster when I call myself one tomorrow :/ I hate the after effects

I have never had such a bad flare after cutting as this - of fibro pain. The shallow cuts dont hurt at all…….just every aching muscle, throbbing joint and bone

Fuck my life

Im sorry. Im sorry to.myself. why did I do this!????

I cut sometimes to prevent suicidal ideation! Now I want to die more as this hurts so much.more :(

Going to sleep. Block these thoughts out. Live in regret what I did….please dont make me realise what I did

My legs
My arms
My calves
My hips
My neck
My shoulders

Need to be ribbons. They need to re open to let bad out & relief in

This film I watched tonight. Took me back to a time in my head. Not a good time.

The very tiny girl triggered such a heavy emotion in me. I couldn’t look away, this delicate person, so beautiful

….yet, so underweight

Why do I get so far but its all taken away from one exposure of thinspo

I wish I could just be okay with how my body is :(

feel i am free falling into a pit again. I dont have any idea where this is coming from. it is out of my control.

since being here last, ive gotten married, made happier future plans. I made it 13 WEEKS - without cutting.

Currently it is day 11 & cracking. I have no escape from my pain which just breeds more and more misery

I feel so broken

..so lost

..so defeated

..so isolated

..so black

..so heavy

..so underserving

..so worthless

..so trapped

..so overwhelmed

..so empty

…..nothing…..

No! you shouldnt cut. You can’t. Yes this pain is bad & makes you want to cut your throat…..but you mustn’t. you have to keep going & endure life & be good & sane & keep it together some fucking how :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((